I
am afraid of buying meat at the grocery store. The dance between food and fear
for me is a longstanding tradition, I know, but really? I can hear myself say inside. Yes, really. This
may be the key to a little (miniscule, actually) logjam that happened inside me
this week.
I
have been sitting with this invitation about carbs and protein, end of
Dedication Health and discerning my own intentions inside. Now that the formal
program is over, what do I focus on or desire? Intend for the continuing
journey…?
It
was good to sit in the circle last night, listening to Cindy speak her wisdom
of ‘maintenance’ and ‘continuing ever on…’ I love the handout she has, the two
columns of tips of the trade. Lots of wisdom and several smiles. “Melissa is always
right” showing up various ways, for instance. I was done eating for the day, as
Wednesday night made most sense for my fast day this week, but after the
meeting, I finally had time to swing by the grocery store before picking up
Nala from her day-care day with Josie.
I
walked into Dorothy Lane Market, a pricier place to shop but one closest to
where I needed to be next. Protein and veggies were in my mental list, but also
just a bit of artist-date wandering, being drawn to what I might be drawn to,
listening… I picked up another dozen eggs, pasture-fed chickens and large-brown
eggs. I meandered past the butcher-fish-counters, enjoying the colors and the
artistry of presentation. Nothing seemed to fit what I was looking for, so I
continued on to the packaged meat section, remembering that I could probably
find what I was looking for there.
Mark
Hyman’s writing has altered some of what I noticed, which was fun. I saw ‘grass-fed’
in a much more obvious way. I found myself trying to remember the ‘look for
these phrases of ‘certification’ and best-practice’ phrases. I couldn’t be
sure, could not remember. I made a mental note to jot them into my phone, so to
remember with more precision.
And
then I stopped, realizing I felt a bit overwhelmed. I don’t know cuts of beef,
portions of veal, portions of pork or turkey…what cut should be used for which
kinds of dishes? What did I want to try to make for myself? The proteins I’m
most comfortable with are lunch-meat, breasts of chicken, and chicken thighs. I’m
easier with ground beef and turkey, for various sauces etc. But the number of ‘kinds
of cuts’ overwhelmed me. I didn’t know what to choose or how to decide.
Ah
so…I am afraid to buy meat at the grocery store. It’s too expensive,
said one voice. You’ll just waste it, not using it in time before it spoils,
said another. Be careful of calories and fat, said a third. I’ll
prepare it better than you will, so just let me do it, said the
Brian in my head (who often bears no resemblance to the actual Brian, by the
way). A fully grown, competent,
professional woman, brought to silence and confusion standing before the packaged
meat section of a grocery store.
Perhaps
the next step in the fear-food dance, the carbs-protein marriage, is simply
becoming comfortable with eating more meat, the meats I know are recommended
and invited for clean eating.
So
I purchased a cut of beef I don’t even remember now. It wasn’t too pricey. It
looked like it could be tasty, or at least interesting. I’ll slice it into
sections tomorrow and begin with a saute of some kind. This doesn’t feel
restrictive in the least. It feels curious and ‘next’…
Sure
doesn’t take long, when one is intentional about listening…
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