It is a good
(and shy & inconvenient) thing that we cannot see ourselves accurately.
Today in my 8
o’clock CrossFit haven, I did my first Toes-to-Bar…basically. My toes actually
missed the bar, going above the bar, but that’s because I need to hold my lats
differently, trust my core more than I did, and as always, stay out of my head.
It’s a matter of placement now, not ‘can I’? It’s a matter of stringing them
together, keeping the form and awareness that when I weary, I return to
knee-tucks until next time.
I felt the
energy in my body with the first knee-tuck I did, actually. Startled myself! It
was a fasting afternoon/evening/morning, so I was unsure how the upper body
stuff would feel this morning. (What is
it about intermittent fasting that brings such good feeling and even
surprising levels of energy at the tail end of it? I dunno…but I’m beginning to
recognize the pattern…). The scap pulls felt cold, a bit stiff,
so I relaxed a little and went ‘careful’ for the warm-up. The first jump up to the
rig was fun and my knees went up without too much thought.
I’m
appreciating more the implicit yet persistent ways Melissa invites movement
forward or ‘more.’ The DB snatches
yesterday, I did move up to the 25 DBs, and she was right there to remind me to
stay in my core. It changed what it felt like, to do the movement—slower, but
more disciplined. Then she approached me today with the T2B observation.
I know I’m a
touchy one to approach too, with as many shame-land-mines as I’ve inherited in
my body-journey. But again it was fun…to be seen, to be pushed and seen in ways
I didn’t see myself yet. That’s the good part, which is also inconvenient in ‘stepping
out’ or ‘trying something new.’ When someone 'sees you' into a stronger or more expansive you, you still have to make the choice to enter in...or not. I felt it in my body, but could not 'see myself' to actually try the T2B.
I know I’d not
be where I am, in my professional work or in my body journey, without this good
and inconvenient blessing of ‘being seen.’ Which was so raw and vulnerable 14
months ago. A good day to pause for a cup of coffee, coffee shop blog-post, and
honor that what I need is indeed
finding me. Nothing inconvenient about tending one’s own deep belly breath and
expanding awareness of the adventures that await, if we’re brave enough to show
up and we surround ourselves with peeps who truly support us in our yearnings
and imaginings, even dreams. Thank heavens we canNOT see ourselves accurately then!
What dream
might arrive in me these next weeks? I wonder…