I’ve seen the top of the bar, without jumping. It is a new day.
Yesterday was a good one of felt-progress. You know you slog
along with whatever goals or things you are trying to do, and it feels like
there’s no movement, no progress? Well, yesterday was not one of those days. It was one of the kind where it feels like
you’ve jumped over a mountain of some kind, without anticipating you were even
close.
First, though, I’ve been meaning to share an earlier
learning: I’ve been thinking about a pull-up all wrong, with two different angles of wrong. Before I began this
little adventure, I thought there was one way to do a pull-up, and that’s that.
The stationery form, pull from the arms and upper back muscles way. A
traditional masculine way, I might add, emphasizing the gifts of upper body
strength of a certain sort. Then I learned about the pull-up that involves a ‘kip,’
or the use of the hip and core strength in tandem with a bit of a swing to push
oneself up in a certain fashion. Push up against gravity = pull-up, in this
case. A third kind is a pure momentum push-up against gravity “pull-up” which
entails a bit more leg use in addition to the kip-swing motion. There are
probably other forms too, but the invigorating thing—as always—was to learn
there is always more than one way to approach the pull-up bar. As anything in
life, there is always more than one
way, beyond the most obvious way that you’ve thought about it. The ‘kip’ version suits
me very well, given my own substantial hip (and now core) strength. How did my
mother say it, when I was 13? I “have child-bearing hips; they’ll serve well.”
So they will.
I’ve also learned that the mental work of this project is
more than half the battle, not my body-weight or inability. I think my body is quite capable and even eager. It’s
my fear and mental-baggage that’s weighing me down. Fear shoots through my body
when I have my hands on the bar and simply hang there for a time. I panic that
my shoulders or my arms and most especially my hands will be injured. I have
this felt-sense of weight that is ‘shame’ colored, somehow. Fear, weight perceived in a
putrid color, and voilá—baggage. So the challenge requires some new mental
calisthenics and explorations of resourcing.
I’ve been exploring the mental experience of this training
with training gloves instead of the chalk for my hands. They change the feel of
the bar, and ultimately I may want to be without them, but for now, they cover
my fear somehow, which is worth it. And two, I’ve found three different forms
that I can simply learn to hold on the PowerTower thing. A tri-cept focused,
L-sit, getting my hands used to the weight as I may, as I strengthen the core
muscles alongside the back muscles. Free hangs from the pull-up bar: short
times of simply feeling the form, trusting over time into my body’s willingness
and ability to play with my weight as well as carry it. These things are
increasing my comfort with upper body training, and they seem to be easing my
mental baggage as well. Yay.
But the cool thing about yesterday was the resistance band.
Natalie and I have used these before, though my anxiety prevented me from
easing into their assistance for what I want to do. I saw her strapping it up
to the bar before my PT session was to start, and the pit of anxiety deepened
in my stomach. But I had worn sweats for the first time, mostly because I was
simply chilly, being winter and all. I think having cloth between me and the
band helped. So you put your knee in the lower loop of the band, put your hands
on the bar, and do a pull-up, if you’re able.
I was able!!! I
saw the top of the bar, with attention to core muscles, back-wing muscles, a
bit of arm muscle too. I saw the top of the bar. More importantly, I felt something new. I felt the ability to execute the right form for the pull-up—for someone
with my body-form—and the sensation of ability as it moved into wearied muscles
and inability. The first three times, it felt like I was flying up to the bar
somehow. The second time, I could feel the tiredness. The third time into the
band, my muscles were spent, and I couldn’t do it anymore. But it had changed. The perception had changed. It was a wholly
different continuum than I’ve previously had access to, in my body, for this
activity. I felt what it was like to pull myself up over the bar, felt the
sensation change as the muscles were taxed, and only then, felt the inability.
It’s a new day in the awareness of this Wisdom Walker!! I
gotta get me one of them resistance bands. J
