The Top of the Bar Has Been Seen

I’ve seen the top of the bar, without jumping. It is a new day.

Yesterday was a good one of felt-progress. You know you slog along with whatever goals or things you are trying to do, and it feels like there’s no movement, no progress? Well, yesterday was not one of those days. It was one of the kind where it feels like you’ve jumped over a mountain of some kind, without anticipating you were even close.

First, though, I’ve been meaning to share an earlier learning: I’ve been thinking about a pull-up all wrong, with two different angles of wrong. Before I began this little adventure, I thought there was one way to do a pull-up, and that’s that. The stationery form, pull from the arms and upper back muscles way. A traditional masculine way, I might add, emphasizing the gifts of upper body strength of a certain sort. Then I learned about the pull-up that involves a ‘kip,’ or the use of the hip and core strength in tandem with a bit of a swing to push oneself up in a certain fashion. Push up against gravity = pull-up, in this case. A third kind is a pure momentum push-up against gravity “pull-up” which entails a bit more leg use in addition to the kip-swing motion. There are probably other forms too, but the invigorating thing—as always—was to learn there is always more than one way to approach the pull-up bar. As anything in life, there is always more than one way, beyond the most obvious way that you’ve thought about it. The ‘kip’ version suits me very well, given my own substantial hip (and now core) strength. How did my mother say it, when I was 13? I “have child-bearing hips; they’ll serve well.” So they will.

I’ve also learned that the mental work of this project is more than half the battle, not my body-weight or inability. I think my body is quite capable and even eager. It’s my fear and mental-baggage that’s weighing me down. Fear shoots through my body when I have my hands on the bar and simply hang there for a time. I panic that my shoulders or my arms and most especially my hands will be injured. I have this felt-sense of weight that is ‘shame’ colored, somehow. Fear, weight perceived in a putrid color, and voilá—baggage. So the challenge requires some new mental calisthenics and explorations of resourcing.

I’ve been exploring the mental experience of this training with training gloves instead of the chalk for my hands. They change the feel of the bar, and ultimately I may want to be without them, but for now, they cover my fear somehow, which is worth it. And two, I’ve found three different forms that I can simply learn to hold on the PowerTower thing. A tri-cept focused, L-sit, getting my hands used to the weight as I may, as I strengthen the core muscles alongside the back muscles. Free hangs from the pull-up bar: short times of simply feeling the form, trusting over time into my body’s willingness and ability to play with my weight as well as carry it. These things are increasing my comfort with upper body training, and they seem to be easing my mental baggage as well. Yay.

But the cool thing about yesterday was the resistance band. Natalie and I have used these before, though my anxiety prevented me from easing into their assistance for what I want to do. I saw her strapping it up to the bar before my PT session was to start, and the pit of anxiety deepened in my stomach. But I had worn sweats for the first time, mostly because I was simply chilly, being winter and all. I think having cloth between me and the band helped. So you put your knee in the lower loop of the band, put your hands on the bar, and do a pull-up, if you’re able.

I was able!!! I saw the top of the bar, with attention to core muscles, back-wing muscles, a bit of arm muscle too. I saw the top of the bar. More importantly, I felt something new. I felt the ability to execute the right form for the pull-up—for someone with my body-form—and the sensation of ability as it moved into wearied muscles and inability. The first three times, it felt like I was flying up to the bar somehow. The second time, I could feel the tiredness. The third time into the band, my muscles were spent, and I couldn’t do it anymore. But it had changed. The perception had changed. It was a wholly different continuum than I’ve previously had access to, in my body, for this activity. I felt what it was like to pull myself up over the bar, felt the sensation change as the muscles were taxed, and only then, felt the inability.

It’s a new day in the awareness of this Wisdom Walker!! I gotta get me one of them resistance bands. J