#1
I’m full, I said. Now, I think I meant I’m sad, afraid, weary.
Marcus has a bubble, so do I. How do the bubbles intersect or play?
‘Pressure’ means he notices me, but I don’t know how I feel about ‘pressure’
My own capacity to know emotionally what I want simply wears out.
Marcus has a bubble, so do I. How do the bubbles intersect or play?
I loved him being in my bubble, until I didn’t, so pushed him gently away.
My own capacity to know emotionally what I want simply wears out.
I spent my life trying not to get noticed, always wanting anyway to be deeply seen
I loved him being in my bubble, until I didn’t, so pushed him gently away.
‘Pressure’ means he notices me, but I don’t know how I feel about ‘pressure’
I spent my life trying not to get noticed, always wanting anyway to be deeply seen
I’m full, I said. Now, I think I meant I’m sad, afraid, weary.
#2
You can play with anything in the barn that you’d like, she said.
Marcus drew close and welcomed a hug, even as he nibbled my paper and looked for crayons
He stood by the gate, nibbling and neighing, seeming to want to be ‘out there’
Is this where I began to feel afraid?
Marcus drew close and welcomed a hug, even as he nibbled my paper and looked for crayons
We did a bit of our dance together, he noticing me, me wondering at him
Is this where I began to feel afraid?
He has a bubble too, she said, nodding as I gave him space and he turned toward me again
We did a bit of our dance together, he noticing me, me wondering at him
He stood by the gate, nibbling and neighing, seeming to want to be ‘out there’
He has a bubble too, she said, nodding as I gave him space and he turned toward me again
You can play with anything in the barn that you’d like, she said.
#3
I walked to the opening at the end of the barn, leaning against the gate.
Marcus chewed some hay remains in the center of the space, behind me.
I felt afraid to want anything and shy in being observed or ignored. I couldn’t win.
I froze inside, like I do when I feel a yearning but am afraid to want anything
Marcus chewed some hay remains in the center of the space, behind me.
I know this dance with a man—moving to get noticed, hidden in plain sight, deciding to numb
I froze inside, like I do when I feel a yearning but am afraid to want anything
Does Marcus want for anything? Does he ever feel sad because he desires yet cannot be met?
I know this dance with a man—moving to get noticed, hidden in plain sight, deciding to numb
I felt afraid to want anything and shy in being observed or ignored. I couldn’t win.
Does Marcus want for anything? Does he ever feel sad because he desires yet cannot be met?
I walked to the opening at the end of the barn, leaning against the gate.
#4
A herd of horses held my tears one sunny afternoon in November
The mares drew close, eventually lying down around me, holding space
Something ancient touched me that day, in the way I’ve always known as Holy
An innocence too, being seen without needing to listen or learn or respond—just BE
The mares drew close, eventually lying down around me, holding space
Of course, I smiled, having held space for women for years. I am weary and sad, I let them hear
An innocence too, being seen without needing to listen or learn or respond—just BE
I feel like I can hide and be held in the herd, which is easier than dancing with just one
Of course, I smiled, having held space for women for years. I am weary and sad, I let them hear
Something ancient touched me that day, in the way I’ve always known as Holy
I feel like I can hide and be held in the herd, which is easier than dancing with just one
A herd of horses held my tears one sunny afternoon in November
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