Finding the One

You are not the one I engaged to marry

a dashing figure of brisk authority and gentle spirit,

an attorney in love with the law, wearied by its practice.

you were a mystery to me then, a soul

proclaiming his love…for me? A beloved friend

interested in my passions, my strengths, my work?

I had never met anyone like you,

except you of course, ten years before.

You are not the one I married either

an earnest husband, clearing a path for us both.

a companion in scholarship, or along the canal path

where a granola bar appeared like magic

because you knew I would be hungry.

we were young lovers then, eager to please

driven by the adventure of the deep.

You are not the one who began life here with me

a new pastor, overeager to please his flock,

to be successful as we knew it then.

fledgling sermons in a preacher’s voice, then

finding your own voice, strong, sorting

the pleasures and politics of a town

you would never have chosen to serve.

Now, you are the one I lose all the time.

The young-old man vested in proclamation

facing a public life you could never have known,

might not have chosen if you did, serving

people you did not know but now must love,

homeless in all homes you have known but one

you live for vacations and sit with death in between.

You are therefore the one I get to find, again and again,

for the rest of my life: a fledgling vulnerable soul

on Spirit’s rock, torn between the tyranny

of duty and the uncertainty of desire

a trustworthy spirit, distrusting he is enough,

one who imagines new ways to know, in safety

who yearns to honor his own passions and work,

if only he knew how. Tenacious as the dawn, 

I know you as the one I yearn to find.