Mid-Section Blues - 2

Those of us who truck in words wait for them. One’s mindstream and physical experience in the world depends, in this instance, upon the articulation and communication of words—with self and with others. Is not that strange? I don’t think life is like that for some of us, perhaps most of us. 

Maybe this time in my life is one in which a different kind of writing is being born—or borne—but I simultaneously find myself fascinated by the potential of living life differently, anew, more in the body. This strange pairing seems to be linked somehow—different kind of word-ing and felt-invitation into living in my world through the core. In other words, the longitudinal experiment of being mindful through the core (admittedly not very longitudinal yet, only a week old) is offering some good vacation-reunion fodder for body-awareness, then thought, inevitably for words.  I am me, after all.

I’m wrestling most with displacement. My life and love means, for now, a time of transition. New sights, new beds, new foods, everything to be navigated and decided. Part of that is exhausting and dissociative of my own body-rhythms. But a simple attention to 5-minutes yoga-flow, a bit of body-resistance training while awaiting the shower grounds me. There is a vibrancy in the core I cannot explain or seem to create, but for getting “out of my mind.” I wish I knew how it ‘worked’ but part of the gift seems to be not knowing. For now.

I also sense now that the ‘mid-section blues’ of such long duration—this consistent ambivalence, even self-loathing, that centers for me in the abdomen—has been an obstacle to even engaging a consistent morning body-practice. If you only feel negativity there, then it’s hard to face it or get your mind there, right? But once faced-down, the energy and grounding seem to arise, inexplicably. So how to maintain the morning-flow long enough for it to become a habit? Write about it, for one. J State the intention where it is for me but where it might actually be received too.

I continue to grow into strength of posture, though it is still too rare and intermittent in my awareness for preference. Perhaps patience will be a side-effect here too.  Interestingly, as I learn to rest into my own physicality, just as it is, I think I’m becoming more accepting of others’ physicality as well. Instead of an implicit fear of overweightedness, etc., I’m noticing people’s eyes, no matter their form.

That’s it for now. More as the week progresses. And after morning practice each day, she says with an optimism born of anticipation.